Romance is deadly. Romance is deceitful. Romance is not the best way to determine if the guy you are interested in is Mr. Right. If you rely on romance as the gauge for your love interest, you could end up with any of those losers on the television screen.
The unfortunate reality though, for most women who marry, is the person they thought was Mr. Right is somebody completely different after the words, “I do.”
At a party the other night, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
Ladies, the guy you want to marry maybe the wrong guy. But after the wedding, he’s God’s choice for you.
After a fight, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
She replied, “Yes, dear. But I was in love and didn’t notice.”
Ladies, do not think you can change a guy unless he is in diapers! Tonight, I want to help you minimize the risk of marrying Mr. Wrong. If you listen carefully and put into practice what you hear. And if you have the discipline to stick by these guidelines, you will indeed be able to identify the right qualities to look for in a man.
Now, the source of these guidelines will be the Bible, but even if you do not believe the authority of these words, the truths will still be practical.
Men! I want to challenge you to strive for the qualities we will talk about this evening. Determine this night to be Mr. Right because you will have a better chance meeting Miss Right!
In the first session, I am going to give you basic outlines of a godly man. We will break and then I am going to give you the 10 questions you must ask.
Now, in our American culture, it is easy for women to get seduced by romantic love. It’s fun! Exciting! But it’s always temporary.
It’s been described as ero-mania, a state of temporary madness! An instantaneous, but temporary relief from loneliness; a feeling that is to be enjoyed, but it is sadly so fleeting. In our culture, romantic love is held up to be the ultimate of all ideals.
Romantic love overrides reason, logic, good judgment, outside counsel, and becomes the final authority for decision making when it comes to choosing the right one.
Everyone wants to fall in love and live happily ever after. Like Cinderella, like the Little Mermaid; like Snow White; like Beauty and the Beast; like Pretty Woman, and every other romantic comedy that promote the lie: “and they lived happily ever after.”
These sentiments are great for fantasies and fairy tales, but they are no guarantee of healthy relationships or enduring marriages.
At the heart of this romantic view is the idea that love is an irresistible force like gravity. “Falling in love” is like falling off a cliff. If you fall in love, nothing can be done about it.
When Cupid shoots you in the heart with his arrow, you are finished! You have no choice in the matter?! Or so it would seem if we buy the notion that to meet the right one, we need be “in love.”
This view of love is faulty at best, because instead of having the freedom to choose and make the right and responsible decision with our lives, we are just victims of circumstance.
Love is just something that happens spontaneously between two people. It’s done to them. With this view, people become less human and more like animals at best responding only to their sex drives. Animals cannot control those urgings, humans can.
One the other hand, humans created in the image of God, have the ability to choose their actions and make rational decisions about who they will “fall in love” with.
If you are a Christian woman, you should know that you can only marry a Christian man. 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”
But what if I told you that is not good enough to marry a man that says he is a Christian; that there is more to it than that? There is a higher standard. He must be a godly man.
“What?” you say. “Aren’t all Christian men supposed to be godly?” Yes, they should, but……
Today there is a reality of easy – believism; that if you raise your hand, or walk an aisle or say a little sinner’s prayer that you are a Christian. It’s easy to believe. Others say they were born a Christian, or they go to a Christian church, or that they were saved at four years old, or they were baptized or their family is Christian or that they know John 3:16.
To be an authentic Christian used to mean that people were godly, but today, everyone says they are a Christian. So you just don’t know. But you certainly want to look for a godly man.
Godly defined: of or from God, devout and confirmed to God’s law. Ask this question of the man you are interested in: “Does he appear to obey God consistently?”
You cannot tell if a man is a godly man after knowing him for 3 weeks or 3 months. You cannot determine godliness by outward appearances only, even if he has memorized the New Testament, goes to church five times a week, eats only locusts and honey and drinks holy water, wears camels hair underwear and says “Amen Brother!” – even to women!
Remember Jesus condemned strongly the religious sect known as the Pharisees. They were the most religious of the religious during the Jesus’ time.
They fasted weekly, gave ten percent of everything. They prayed long, showy, loud prayers and know scripture. They tried to observe the entire law, honor the Sabbath Day to a fault and did their duty as holy men. By outward appearances, these guys “looked” godly.
But Matthew 23, Jesus called them prideful hypocrites who do not practice what they preach. They were called sons of Hell, blind guides, a brood of vipers, and snakes.
They were so concerned about how they appeared to everyone else, so religious – that they didn’t even recognize their Messiah when He came – and they killed him.
It’s easy to get caught up in appearances – the appearance and feelings of romance, or the falsehood of religious hypocrisy.
If you are not careful, ladies, you can get conned. A man who’s not godly will try to impress you by being religious, thinking that if he acts like a Christian, then you will think he is one.
Jesus also said of the Pharisees, “These people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me.” You want to make sure that the man you are interested in has a heart close to God.
Here are the top 10 Christian pick – up lines from religious hypocrites:
10. I just don’t feel called to celibacy.
9. Did I tell you that my great – uncle was a personal
friend of Billy Graham.
8. I don’t see it myself, but people tell me I look like
Michael W. Smith.
7. What do you think Paul means when he said,
“Greet everyone with a holy kiss?”
6. You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of
Mother Teresa” (DO NOT get the two confused!)
5. You know, I am really into relationship evangelism.
4. I am pretty flexible – I don’t think woman should be
submissive on the first date.
3. Before tonight, I never believed in predestination.
2. Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical.
1. I hear there is going to be a love offering tonight.
One girl said, “it’s obvious when he really loves the Lord. When he tells you his love for God, you can tell he’s not distracted by you!”
Ask yourself this question: Does he love God more than anyone or anything else?
Want to know some godly men of the Bible?
1) David was called, “a man after God’s own heart.” 1 Samuel 13:14 – you want a man that has THAT said about him.
2) Job was described as “Blameless and upright, he feared God and shunned evil.” Job 1:1.
3) Samuel “He let none of (God’s) words fall to the ground.” 1 Samuel 3:19.
Nehemiah was a very zealous man of God: Israel had intermarried with foreigners and had gotten so far away from the Lord that their own children spoke foreign languages, but forgot how to speak the language of Judah.” And Nehemiah responded in this way: I rebuke them and called curses down on them. I beat some of the men and pulled out their hair.” Nehemiah 13:25.
You may take issues with his methods but Nehemiah was certainly a man who put the interests of God first.
Godly character can only be recognized over TIME. Don’t get caught up in the notion of infatuation, which can be complicated by romance.
Flowers and expensive dinners, charming words, silly giggles, poetry read to each other at midnight that will pass and quickly! And so will all those butterflies in your stomach.
Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” After the phase of infatuation passes, you’ll see the man as he really is and if he is godly, he will reflect the attitudes and characters of Jesus over time. And Jesus is easy to love and His love lasts forever!
Don’t get caught up in submission or funny little coincidences either. Have you ever heard any of these comments from someone who desperately wanted a relationship?
He looked at me three times…. And I was looking at him!
We both cried during “The Wizard of Oz.” And love the smell of mothballs.
I prayed he would say “O boy! O boy! Spaghettios!” in a conversation on Tuesday and he did!
He goes to the same service and always sits in the front—with me!
God told me to marry him!
That’s silly! Look for the man with godly character and wait for him to show an interest in you.
I do not believe that a woman should pursue a man either. A man should take the initiative. A man needs to be bold enough to risk rejection. A man should make it clear, after a while that he is interested. He should be the pursuer, not the pursued. A godly man knows this and does it.
Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds the wife. He searches her out. He does the leading. Now, why all this emphasis on godliness? Does it really matter if he’s a godly man? How will that affect your relationship in practical terms after you are married?
Now click here for THE FIRST 2 VITAL QUESTIONS!
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This is an excellent article. Every single person should read, especially the single Christian women. Lots of great advise!