SinglesConnect

Here is an insightful article brought to my attention by Lisa Mojsin, one of the leaders at our SinglesConnect ministry. I’d love to read your response. It’s written by Timothy Keller of RELEVANT magazine.

How our culture misunderstands compatibility.

In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.

In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:

• “She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”

• “How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”

• “If she would just lose seven pounds.”

• “Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”

• “Well, it started out great … beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”… She had dirty elbows.”

In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires.

This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner. Click here to read the rest!

Here’s a helpful article that explains some of the downward trends concerning matrimony from Kari Huus, msnbc.com senior reporter.

Is it a hiccup or a long-term bear market for marriage?

A new report shows that the share of American adults who are married dropped to a record low in 2009-2010 — to just a smidgen over half of population 18 and older. And the age at which Americans first tie the knot has never been higher, according to analysis of U.S. Census data by Pew Research Center published Wednesday.

It’s no secret that the “market share” of marriage has been in decline for decades — from 72 percent in 1960 to 51 percent today, a trend that has been accompanied by a rising tolerance for single parents, cohabitation without marriage and other alternatives. At the current pace, the share of U.S. adults who are married will dip to less than half within a few years, the Pew study says. Read the rest from USNEWS on MSNBC by clicking here.

There are 87 unmarried men 18 and over for every 100 unmarried women in the United States. (Source: census.gov)