Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Dating, Relating, and Fornicating

Friday, November 4th, 2011

Here’s an article by Mark Driscoll, who pastors at Mars Hill Church Seattle which was voted by the “The Seattle P-I” as one of the best places in Seattle for singles to meet somebody.

Christians worship a single guy who died a virgin. Perhaps that should be listed among his many miracles.

For the first time in our nation’s history, there are more unmarried than married adults. And people are waiting longer than ever to marry—women in their mid- to late twenties on average and men closer to thirty. The closer you get to a major city, the more singles you will find—most of them dating, relating, and fornicating.

This trend includes Seattle. Recently, Mars Hill Church Seattle was listed by the Seattle P-I as one of the best places in Seattle for singles to meet somebody. So, if you’re looking to get hitched, Mars Hill is apparently a good place.

One of the reasons I believe we were named among such places as gyms, bars, and (naturally) dog parks—there are more dogs per capita in Seattle than kids—is because we tend to verbally beat boys who can shave (men who are adults chronologically but kids in terms of responsibility) like drill sergeants. The ones who don’t leave to blog about their hurt feelings tend to stay, grow up, man up, and eventually get married to a nice gal who would like to have babies but does not want to be married to one.

Over the years, we’ve seen thousands of singles come to Mars Hill, become Christians, find healing from past abuse, trust Jesus, start dating a godly guy or gal, get married, and have kids to the glory of God. I personally know hundreds of women who were sexual assault victims at the hands of some loser boyfriend/porn-head find help, healing, and hope in Jesus, get married to a guy who was previously a train wreck, and by God’s grace become new people with a fun, free, faithful marriage. Nothing beats the front row I enjoy for the Holy Spirit’s power in the lives of people whom Jesus loves.

And though we have many families at Mars Hill, over half of our church is single and in their twenties. Naturally, there are many questions about dating.

So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to speak to those of you who are single in both our church and in the church at large. Click here to read the rest.

The Disadvantage of Living Together for Women

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

Glenn Stanton reveals in his new book, The Ring Makes All the Difference, that marriage, not cohabitation, is the best option for couples – but especially for women. Research tells us (see page 117) that a woman who cohabitates before marriage will increase her likelihood of getting a husband who:

  • is less committed to her;
  • is less committed than she is to the marriage;
  • is less likely to be emotionally and practically supportive; and
  • is more generally relationally negative.

Read an article by a twenty-something who has decided to wait until marriage and what her reasons are by clicking here. (You’ll have to scroll on down past the introductory article.)

Red Flags in Relationships

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

So, you’re in a relationship. It’s a pretty exciting time of life, huh?

Perhaps you recently met someone who caught your interest. Or maybe you’ve been dating for quite some time now. In either case, you have probably found that many forces (love, loneliness, well-meaning family and friends, the fact that you’re not getting younger) push you forward in your relationship.

The forces that compel you to move forward are not out to destroy you. But it’s still wise to pause and ask yourself some questions that might prevent heartache down the road. Click here to start the multi-part series from Focus on the Family.

The “Less-Than-Ideal” Potential Husband

Friday, May 6th, 2011

Here’s a mostly secular perspective on the kind of guy you want to avoid, ladies. (For the Christian view on this, click here.)

An article by Maureen Dowd published at The New York Times provides some characteristics or you could call them “flaws” to look out for if you ladies want the ideal husband. Heed this advice and you may dodge mates who would maul your happiness. Ignore it and you may find yourself in a relationship nightmare.

Following is a list of either questions to ask or characteristics to watch out for.

  • Never marry a man who has no friends. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. If he does have friends, what are they like?
  • What do your friends and family members think of him? If the man you wish to marry does not find favor with your friends and family, that is a good indication that your marital relationship will not last.

Is Your Desire for Marriage too Strong… or too Weak?

Friday, April 8th, 2011

This is a very helpful article I found from the Webzine, Boundless. Read the excerpt then click to read the whole article.

Many singles are repeatedly asked the dreaded question, “So when are you going to get married?” This can be an embarrassing reminder of a lack of relational success. Worse, it can lead some into thinking their Christian life is somehow on hold, or that they should immediately marry at any cost.

But that raises the question: Can our desire for marriage be too strong? Many say it cannot; after all, marriage is a good thing (Prov. 18:22). The logic seems to be that a God-given desire cannot be too great — you can’t want a good thing too much. To that I reply with David Powlison (in his paraphrase of John Calvin): “The evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but in the fact that we want it too much. Natural affections (for any good thing) become inordinate, ruling cravings.”1

OK, so can a single person have too little desire for marriage? I think so. There are some whose comfort in singleness is grounded in spiritual dullness and a general inertia, the desire for merely preserving the status quo and not being particularly bothered. This can be displayed in extended adolescence, or fear of commitment, permanence and responsibility.

Such folks need a kick in the pants, pure and simple. Their sanctification would best be served by getting married. Click to read the rest of the article.

What does the Bible say about dating?

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

The Bible describes three types of relationships with the opposite sex and gives guidelines for each one. The three are:

1. friendship

2. brother/sister in Christ

3. marriage.

This great article also discusses the differences between these three.  What about romantic relationships that do not lead to marriage?   What is the difference between romantic desire and romantic intimacy?

Read the whole article to find out.

You may also want to read Pastor Steve’s four part series called, “Should Christians Date,” by clicking here.

5 Bad Habits that Tank First Dates

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

If you’ve ever attended our Singles Ministry, SinglesConnect, then you know that I’m not a big fan of dating. (Please read my 4 part series, “Should Christians Date?” by clicking here.) Still, there is a time when you will go out with someone you are interested in and, well, you’ll have to relate to each other. This article by the eHarmony staff will give you some helpful hints on what to do/what not to do when going out with someone you are interested in.

We’ve all done it, right? We’ve gotten to the end of a first date and thought, “Wow, I really screwed that one up; I talked about all the wrong things at all the wrong times.” If you find yourself tanking first dates too often, then try to avoid these habits that can derail the first-date train before it even gets going.

Don’t Monopolize the Conversation

Talking too much is a major no-no when you’re trying to get to know someone. But it’s an easy trap to fall into. Sometimes we’re so invested in “selling” ourselves that we go on and on in our attempt to let a date know how great we are. Or sometimes we do just the opposite, displaying our insecurities by constantly apologizing for our shortcomings or complaining about our job or our family or other relationships. And sometimes we just get nervous and try to fill any conversational dead space so it doesn’t appear that the date’s not going well. Click here to read the rest of the article from the eHarmony staff.

When to Settle

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Here is a link to an interesting article for single Christian women.  The author asks women to re-examine the list of qualities that they seek in a mate. However, she states that these are the 4 non-negotiables:

What do you think? Read the rest of the article here

A Sober Warning to Singles

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

This comment was sent to me in the last few weeks. Please pay attention, Single Person!

I think you will be able to use my experience as a warning to those who chose to do things their way instead of God’s way.

I have been a Christian for 25 years and was in a horrible marriage for about 30. After my husband and I divorced I swore off men, and was doing very well on my own until I met Mr. Wrong. He was the first person to pay attention to me in all these years. It started out innocent as just friends, but quickly turned into one of the worst decisions I have made in a long time.

 After only a few dates we started kissing and making out quite a bit and then one night before we knew it, we had fallen into sin. After several encounters and weeks later, out of the blue Mr. Wrong told me it was over for no reason. It was not long before I found out why: He had moved on to the next girl in our singles group within days; of course he may have already been seeing her before he told me goodbye. To make matters worse, the girl he is seeing now is one of my best friends. Since she began seeing him she will not even speak to me, which leads me to believe he has been telling her about our relationship.

So the warning is this: Tell everyone in your singles group to wait; don’t just give your gift away to just anyone who comes along just because they are giving you attention. Mr. Wrong has no idea how much pain he has caused and the division he has now brought to our singles group. He really couldn’t care less since he got what he wanted. I am not putting all of the blame on him, I am responsible as well. But this kind of thing could tear an entire group apart in no time and Satan already has a foothold in so many lives.

Posted by: Steve S.

How to Meet a Godly Wife

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

“A woman’s heart
must be so lost in God
that a man has to seek Him
in order to find her.”

Great quote!!  Not sure who said it.

Men, if you want to meet a Godly woman, seek God and you are likely to find her too.   Pastor Steve is doing a great teaching  on the qualities to look for in a mate. Come join us every 2nd and 4th Saturday at 8:30 pm.

posted by: Lisa M