How our culture misunderstands compatibility.

In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.

In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:

• “She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”

• “How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”

• “If she would just lose seven pounds.”

• “Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”

• “Well, it started out great … beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”… She had dirty elbows.”

In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires.

This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner. Click here to read the rest!

Is it a hiccup or a long-term bear market for marriage?

A new report shows that the share of American adults who are married dropped to a record low in 2009-2010 — to just a smidgen over half of population 18 and older. And the age at which Americans first tie the knot has never been higher, according to analysis of U.S. Census data by Pew Research Center published Wednesday.

It’s no secret that the “market share” of marriage has been in decline for decades — from 72 percent in 1960 to 51 percent today, a trend that has been accompanied by a rising tolerance for single parents, cohabitation without marriage and other alternatives. At the current pace, the share of U.S. adults who are married will dip to less than half within a few years, the Pew study says. Read the rest from USNEWS on MSNBC by clicking here.

An almost world-famous chef will be catering the dinner and it-is-free! The downside of this is that we are only catering for 60 people. So if you are late, bring a sack lunch.

Also, you must bring a $1.00 wrapped gift for the gift exchange we will be having.

If you have any questions, please contact me, Pastor Steve, at PastorSteveAtHope@Yahoo.com

See ya there!

Here’s an article by Mark Driscoll, who pastors at Mars Hill Church Seattle which was voted by the “The Seattle P-I” as one of the best places in Seattle for singles to meet somebody.

Christians worship a single guy who died a virgin. Perhaps that should be listed among his many miracles.

For the first time in our nation’s history, there are more unmarried than married adults. And people are waiting longer than ever to marry—women in their mid- to late twenties on average and men closer to thirty. The closer you get to a major city, the more singles you will find—most of them dating, relating, and fornicating.

This trend includes Seattle. Recently, Mars Hill Church Seattle was listed by the Seattle P-I as one of the best places in Seattle for singles to meet somebody. So, if you’re looking to get hitched, Mars Hill is apparently a good place.

One of the reasons I believe we were named among such places as gyms, bars, and (naturally) dog parks—there are more dogs per capita in Seattle than kids—is because we tend to verbally beat boys who can shave (men who are adults chronologically but kids in terms of responsibility) like drill sergeants. The ones who don’t leave to blog about their hurt feelings tend to stay, grow up, man up, and eventually get married to a nice gal who would like to have babies but does not want to be married to one.

Over the years, we’ve seen thousands of singles come to Mars Hill, become Christians, find healing from past abuse, trust Jesus, start dating a godly guy or gal, get married, and have kids to the glory of God. I personally know hundreds of women who were sexual assault victims at the hands of some loser boyfriend/porn-head find help, healing, and hope in Jesus, get married to a guy who was previously a train wreck, and by God’s grace become new people with a fun, free, faithful marriage. Nothing beats the front row I enjoy for the Holy Spirit’s power in the lives of people whom Jesus loves.

And though we have many families at Mars Hill, over half of our church is single and in their twenties. Naturally, there are many questions about dating.

So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to speak to those of you who are single in both our church and in the church at large. Click here to read the rest.

• displays violent behavior toward her;
• is less committed to her;
• is less committed than she is to the marriage;
• is less likely to be emotionally and practically supportive; and
• is more generally relationally negative.

Read an article by a twenty-something who has decided to wait until marriage and what her reasons are by clicking here. (You’ll have to scroll on down past the introductory article.)

Perhaps you recently met someone who caught your interest. Or maybe you’ve been dating for quite some time now. In either case, you have probably found that many forces (love, loneliness, well-meaning family and friends, the fact that you’re not getting younger) push you forward in your relationship.

The forces that compel you to move forward are not out to destroy you. But it’s still wise to pause and ask yourself some questions that might prevent heartache down the road. Click here to start the multi-part series from Focus on the Family.

• Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

• Find a prostitute and marry her (Hosea 1:1-3)

• Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses – Exodus 2:16-21)

• Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz-Ruth 4:5-10)

• Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. (Jacob–Genesis 29:15-30)

• Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife. (David–1 Samuel 18:27)

• Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or Ahasuerus–Esther 2:3-4)

• When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a … woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision,simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” (Samson–Judges 14:1-3)

• Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). (David–2 Samuel 11)

• Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea; it’s the law.)  (Example in Ruth)

• Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon–1 Kings11:1-3)

• A wife?…NOT? (Paul–1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband:

On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1

These men have jobs and love the Lord.

She thinks, That’s great, but I wonder what’s on floor two? and goes up a flight.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2

These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

“Really nice husband description,” she says to herself,  “yet I do want to see what’s on floor three, though.”

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3

These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4

These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5

These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but, against her better judgment, she continues on to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6

You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

An article by Maureen Dowd published at The New York Times provides some characteristics or you could call them “flaws” to look out for if you ladies want the ideal husband. Heed this advice and you may dodge mates who would maul your happiness. Ignore it and you may find yourself in a relationship nightmare.

Following is a list of either questions to ask or characteristics to watch out for.

• Never marry a man who has no friends. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. If he does have friends, what are they like?

• What do your friends and family members think of him? If the man you wish to marry does not find favor with your friends and family, that is a good indication that your marital relationship will not last.

• Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that suffer do so because of money. Read the rest by clicking here.

This is a very helpful article I found from the Webzine, Boundless. Read the excerpt then click to read the whole article.

Many singles are repeatedly asked the dreaded question, “So when are you going to get married?” This can be an embarrassing reminder of a lack of relational success. Worse, it can lead some into thinking their Christian life is somehow on hold, or that they should immediately marry at any cost.

But that raises the question: Can our desire for marriage be too strong? Many say it cannot; after all, marriage is a good thing (Prov. 18:22). The logic seems to be that a God-given desire cannot be too great — you can’t want a good thing too much. To that I reply with David Powlison (in his paraphrase of John Calvin): “The evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but in the fact that we want it too much. Natural affections (for any good thing) become inordinate, ruling cravings.”¹

OK, so can a single person have too little desire for marriage? I think so. There are some whose comfort in singleness is grounded in spiritual dullness and a general inertia, the desire for merely preserving the status quo and not being particularly bothered. This can be displayed in extended adolescence, or fear of commitment, permanence and responsibility.

Such folks need a kick in the pants, pure and simple. Their sanctification would best be served by getting married. Click to read the rest of the article.